How long does it take to fall in love? (2024)

By Chelsea Whyte

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How long does it take to fall in love? (1)

They call it “chemistry”, but falling in love isn’t a perfect science. It’s different for everyone and relies on all sorts of factors, from how physically attractive you find someone to whether you feel comfortable in their presence. Still, research has shed some light on what is happening in the brain when we do feel those first butterflies – and the amount of time it takes for people to fall in love.

A 2013 survey conducted by YouGov and dating site eHarmony found that the time taken from the first date to saying “I love you” differs between men and women. The average time for men to fall in love is 88 days, while those same feelings of true love take women 134 days. Another dating site, Elite Singles, did a poll in 2017 and found that 61 per cent of women believe in love at first sight, while 72 per cent of men do.

These surveys focused on heterosexual relationships. Other types of relationships have been comparatively understudied, though a 2000 study of 38 lesbians found that, on average, they declared their love or commitment to a partner after six months. A Match.com poll done in 2013 found that 65 per cent of gay men believe in love at first sight, while 60 per cent of lesbians do.

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How does love affect the brain?

Neurologically speaking, the bonds we feel that we know as love are due to the hormones oxytocin and vasopressin, which activate the reward centre in our brain. These take a fraction of a second to reach the brain, and some studies have shown that just looking at a person you love can activate the same brain region that creates the feelings of euphoria associated with some drugs.

But those hormones don’t just kick in when you meet a potential love interest. You have to get to know them first. Psychologist Arthur Aron devised a set of questions that can accelerate this process and potentially help couples to fall in love quicker. Known as “the 36 questions that lead to love”, these require two people to be vulnerable and share life experiences, which can enhance intimacy and potentially lead to love. They aren’t quick questions, though, so it could take a while to get through them all.

With the rise of dating apps, particularly during the 2020 coronavirus pandemic lockdowns, people have been finding love without even being in the same place. A 2021 survey from dating app Bumble found that 67 per cent of people now believe it is possible to fall in love with someone you haven’t even met in person. So maybe the length of time it takes to fall in love is simply about how quickly you can respond to text messages.

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How long does it take to fall in love? (2024)

FAQs

How long does it take to fall in love? ›

Falling in love typically takes a few months. Love at first sight is likely an expression of strong lust or physical desire that transforms over time into romantic love for each other. There is no definitive time frame for falling in love, though about 3–4 months may be a rough average, according to limited research.

How quickly can you fall in love? ›

Related Stories. But just as there is no hard-and-fast rule for how long it takes to fall in love, there's no set checklist for how to know if what you're feeling is the real deal. Some people know after a single moment; others develop the feelings after months or even years of small gestures.

Is it possible to fall in love in a month? ›

There's no set timeline for falling in love. Some people feel instant attraction at first sight, while others may take months to form a deep connection. Love tends to be somewhat complicated. Most people would probably agree, in fact, that even “complicated” is putting it mildly.

How long does it take to know you're falling in love? ›

The average time for men to fall in love is 88 days, while those same feelings of true love take women 134 days. Another dating site, Elite Singles, did a poll in 2017 and found that 61 per cent of women believe in love at first sight, while 72 per cent of men do. These surveys focused on heterosexual relationships.

What is the 3 month rule? ›

The 3-month rule is a 90-day trial period where a couple “tests out” a relationship to see if they're compatible. During the 90 days, couples learn about each other's likes, dislikes, and possible red flags. At the end of the 3 months, couples discuss if they want to pursue a long-term relationship.

How fast is too soon to fall in love? ›

“There is no absolute rule,” says Dr. Lauren Kerwin, a clinical psychologist in Los Angeles. “[Falling in love] can happen instantaneously or take weeks, months, or years! It happens differently for everybody and takes different forms.”

How can you tell a man is falling in love? ›

If the man in your life wants to be around you as much as possible, this may be a good sign that his feelings are strengthening. He may stay over at your place more often or regularly ask you to stay at his. He might also make plans weeks or months in advance, ensuring he is able to spend time with you in the future.

How to tell if a man loves you? ›

You can usually recognize real love by these 12 signs.
  • You feel safe with them. ...
  • They listen. ...
  • They acknowledge your differences instead of trying to change you. ...
  • You can communicate easily. ...
  • They encourage you to do your own thing. ...
  • You trust each other. ...
  • They make an effort. ...
  • You know you can collaborate or compromise.
Oct 28, 2020

How soon is too soon to say I love you? ›

How fast is too soon to say I love you? It depends on the person and the situation (there's no one right way to date or love someone!) but typically, experts recommend waiting to say "I love you" until at least three months into the relationship.

What age do most people fall in love? ›

Most people say they've been in love before, with the late teens and early twenties being the time where most individuals experienced love for the first time (40%).

Is saying I love you too soon a red flag? ›

Saying "I Love You" Too Soon

The first red flag in a relationship is when someone says "I love you" too soon. It is essential to slow down and be thoughtful about what love means. We all want a space to feel accepted for our authentic, aligned selves.

How can I know if I fell in love? ›

In short, while there's no single way to fall in love, you'll probably notice a few key physical and emotional signs:
  • Your thoughts return to them regularly. ...
  • You feel safe with them. ...
  • Life feels more exciting. ...
  • You want to spend a lot of time together. ...
  • You feel a little jealous of other people in their life.

What is the 3 6 9 rule dating? ›

To break it down to you, it is about the first three months, a phase when you are getting to know each other, the second set of three months when you are building a deeper connection, and the last set of three months when you should have a clear idea of whether the relationship has long-term potential.

How long is the honeymoon phase? ›

The honeymoon phase is an early part of a couple's relationship where everything seems carefree and happy. It usually lasts from six months to two years and can be marked with lots of laughs, intimacy, and fun dates.

What is the 3-3-3 rule for dating? ›

It is my Rule of 3s and it goes like this: Give it three dates, three weeks and three months to see how things go with someone before you get overly attached and start planning a future together.

Is it possible to fall in love with someone quickly? ›

You might have heard the term “falling in love at first sight.” Although you might not fully get to know someone when you first meet them, scientists show that falling in love chemically can happen in a fifth of a second.

Can a guy fall in love right away? ›

When it comes to how quickly it happens, there's a good chance that he's falling in love faster than you are. It's even believed that men are more likely to fall in love at first sight compared to women.

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