If you’ve found yourself thinking “I don’t want my husband to touch me anymore,” you’re not alone. Many women go through periods of time when they don’t want to be physically touched by their husbands. There are a number of reasons why this may be the case, but the thing I want you to know is that there is nothing wrong with you for feeling this way.
It’s normal for couples to go through ups and downs when it comes to physical intimacy. Women tend to experience the “I don’t like my husband touching me” phase when they go through life changes or when their bodies change.
Whatever the reason, it’s ok if you don’t want your husband to touch you. But it is something you’ll need to work on together. That’s where marriage counseling could be extremely useful for you and your husband. You can work through the reasons why you keep thinking “I don’t want my husband to touch me” and start thinking “I love the physical intimacy between me and my husband.”
Is It Normal That I Don’t Want My Husband to Touch Me?
Let’s set things straight. Yes, it’s normal for women to go through stages where they don’t want to be touched by their husbands! Many women experience this several years into a relationship or a marriage.
It may seem like a slow build, or the feeling may come on you suddenly – it’s possible that one day you just don’t want him to touch you anymore. I encourage you to examine why you’re feeling this way.
Reasons Why I Don’t Like My Husband Touching Me Anymore
Let’s dive into some of the reasons why you may not want your husband to touch you. One of the biggest reasons women don’t want to be touched is weight gain. If you’ve gained weight recently, you’re probably very self-conscious of your body. You’re aware of every pound and every inch of you that is bigger. Your husband may not even notice. Or if he does notice, he probably doesn’t care. But you care.
Another reason women may not want their husbands to touch them is that they have a history of physical or sexual abuse. If this is the case for you, you may be wondering why you haven’t had a difficult time being intimate with your husband before now. People go through times when they feel triggered by past abuse. You may not even know why. But it’s completely normal for women who have been abused to not want their husbands to touch them.
Sometimes women lose interest in sex. This is common but it’s also problematic for your relationship with your husband. Sex and physical intimacy are incredibly important for a marriage. If you’re not interested in having sex, it may be time to try marriage counseling to work through why you’ve lost interest in sex. There are also books and other resources for you if you want to start exploring why you’re not interested in sex on your own. Again—this is normal!
You may feel disconnected from your husband for a multitude of reasons. Physical touch can help you connect. But it’s hard to get over that hurdle. If you’re feeling emotionally disconnected, it might be helpful to talk to your husband about how you feel.
There’s also the possibility that you’re no longer attracted to your husband. This does happen in marriages. If you aren’t attracted to your husband, I encourage you to look at all of his positive qualities that aren’t physical. We’re often attracted to people who make us laugh, who are kind, who we have a good time with, and whose company we enjoy. If your marriage is devoid of those things, then it’s time to find the spark of joy that you once found in your husband. If you can remember his attractive qualities that aren’t physical, it may help you become physically attracted to him again.
Finally, some women don’t want to be touched by their husbands after they have a baby. Your body is still healing from the physical trauma of bringing a human being into this world. It can take a while for your body to heal. During that time, it can be difficult to adjust to your new body postpartum. You may be carrying “baby weight.” If you had a c-section you’ll have a scar. Your body is completely different than it was before you got pregnant, and it can be difficult to want physical intimacy postpartum.
Intimacy Tips for Women Who Don’t Want to be Touched
We’ve gone over a few reasons why you may not want your husband to touch you. Now it’s time to really think about what rings true for you. And then the question is – how do you fix it?
I work with a lot of couples and this thought of “I don’t want my husband to touch me” is more common than you might think. One of the ways to work on this together is to communicate about how you’re feeling. Make sure you really listen to his side of things too, because he might provide insight into what you can do to move forward.
For example, if the reason you don’t want your husband to touch you is that you’ve gained weight, tell him that. He may not know that’s why you brush off his touch or move away in bed. You can come up with solutions together. One solution could be that when you cuddle in bed, he doesn’t put his arm all the way around your waist, but rather rests it on your hip or leg. That way he’s not physically touching your mid-section, an area where many women gain weight and are self-conscious of, but he’s still physically connected to you.
Remember times when you did like to be touched sexually. Talk to your husband about why you don’t want him to touch you. Make a plan for when you and your husband want to be intimate.
Try initiating the physical touch first. This gives you a greater sense of control. Have your husband tell you when he wants to be touched with specific statements, such as “I want a hug.”
Start with non-sexual physical touch, such as holding hands, giving hugs, squeezing shoulders, hand or foot massage without sexual expectations. Communicate with your husband clearly when he initiates a touch that you don’t want. Don’t just lay there and let it happen. This could be very triggering, especially if you’ve experienced sexual abuse in the past.
If you’re ready to try couples counseling to see if you and your husband can reconnect and rekindle the physical intimacy you once had, contact me to set up a free consultation. Note that I can help residents of California only.
