I am an Englishman living in Texas, or more specifically Austin Texas. On any given Friday, Saturday, or Sunday I am typically dressed in one of my finest tailored suits officiating a wedding ceremony; about 40-50 a year to be a little more precise. Family and friends – and at least several wedding crashers – gather to witness a bride and groom make their vows to each other. No matter what type of vows are made, all wedding ceremonies conclude with the proclamation, “I now pronounce you as husband and wife!”
How regal it is to officiate a wedding ceremony that concludes with this proclamation. The “I” is emphasized to the bride, groom, family and friends – and even the wedding crashers – that power to make this proclamation rests with me. Like a monarch holding out his imperial insignia towards the bride and groom, my imaginary scepter brings the whole occasion to a glorious conclusion. With quell and ink, my English monogram marks the legal parchment acknowledging that transition has mysteriously taken place. At some point within the wedding ceremony, the bride became wife, and the groom became husband. The bride and groom have new identities. More importantly, “I” proclaimed it!
Hang on! Regal? Monarch? Imperial? Scepter? These terms are decidedly non-American, and especially non-Texan! However, the glorious conclusion, “I now pronounce you as husband and wife”, is typically followed by spontaneous forms of celebration, tears of joy, and widespread use of iPhones, iPads, and other non-Apple devices capturing the first kiss as husband and wife. If these terms are non-American, I have yet to witness any objection, protest, rebellion, or even the act of throwing away overly taxed English tea in response to a proclamation announced with royal overtones.
What is it that causes the change of identity from groom to husband and wife to bride? Tongue-in-cheek Englishness aside, it has nothing to do with me or the words I use to make the proclamation with royal overtones or not. There is no imperial insignia that acts like a regal scepter. It is all a play on poetic and harmonious words that make the occasion linguistically stand out in contrast to everyday vocabulary. Admittedly, my signature on the wedding certificate does matter, but it’s hardly a monogram and always made using black ink from an OfficeMax ballpoint pen.
Nevertheless, some may argue the State of Texas causes the change of identity from bride to wife and groom to husband. I disagree, largely for two reasons. First, having met the legal requirements prior to the wedding ceremony, what follows the proclamation is recognition that the bride and groom now have a change in identity. Out comes my OfficeMax pen recognizing the bride and groom are now legally husband and wife. However, the State of Texas does not cause this mysterious transition. It simply recognizes it within the requirements of law. Second, and far more interesting, I have witnessed this mysterious transition by officiating hundreds of wedding ceremonies standing just three feet from the bride and groom. Though I’m the nearest eye witness, I have absolutely no precise words to describe what it is that takes place. I can only guess.
Guessing is more precise than knowing – or appearing to know. For example, theologians may explain the transition in ontological and sacramental terms; but this presupposes the bride and groom acknowledge the nature of a wedding ceremony as a religious sacrament. Contemporary philosophers like Alain de Botton have explained the transition in terms of comedic relevance; but this reduces heartfelt promises to toleration and compensation. “I promise to take out the trash” is not really comparable to “I will love you, comfort you, honor and keep you in sickness and in health, forsaking all others”. Furthermore, poets like Robert Frost have explained the transition in terms of melancholic features by highlighting “until death us do part” as the great separator of the bride and groom; but who wants to emphasize a funeral at a wedding? Theology, philosophy, and poetry do not necessarily help answer the question about what it is that causes the change in identity from bride to wife and groom to husband.
Here is what I have observed over hundreds of wedding ceremonies: sharp intakes of breath, overt giggling, mild shaking, even poleaxing, and rivers of tears. These human responses indicate transition is happening, and they are not always a result of nervousness. Family, friends, and even the wedding crashers may cause some nervousness, but not to this extent. Interestingly, the most observable thing towards an accurate guess is the relationship of cognitive and sensory knowledge; or simply put, what happens in the head and heart of the bride and groom.
For example, standing three feet from the bride and groom I clearly articulate the line – in a crisp English voice of course – “to have and to hold”, followed by other short lines, “from this day forward”, “for better, for worse”, “for richer, for poorer”, “in sickness and in health”, “to love and to cherish”. All the bride and groom have to do is simply repeat those lines after me to each other. Though it is a simple task of repetition, when these lines are spoken it exposes a momentary and impassable roadblock between the head and heart of both the bride and groom.
The words may be poetic and harmonious in contrast to everyday vocabulary, but they are not new to the bride and groom. So why do the happy couple experience this moment of impassibility between what they rationalize in their heads and what they sense in their hearts? Well, they have mentally prepared for their unique wedding ceremony, but their hearts are often left to discover what will take place and vows are spoken to each other. In his book The Crock of Gold (1912), novelist James Stephens writes, “What the heart knows today the head will understand tomorrow”. He captures what happens. At some undesignated point in the wedding ceremony the hearts of the bride and groom sense a transition is taking place that cannot be rationally explained until sometime after the glorious proclamation, “I now pronounce you as husband and wife.” Quite often, it is the next day, or more precisely, the morning after. Therefore, the repetition of short lines between the bride and groom only shed light on their transition of identity to wife and husband. It does not cause it.
If it is not the State of Texas, the imagery of an imperial insignia that acts like a regal scepter, an authorized signature with an OfficeMax pen, the repetition of words, or my own Englishness (I jest) that causes the transition, what does? Theologians, philosophers, and poets do have something to say, but it is what and how they say it that can fail to answer the question of what it is that causes the transition of a bride to wife and a groom to husband.
I need to come back to what I have observed in hundreds of wedding ceremonies. Emotional responses to what is happening in the hearts of the bride and groom are best commented on by suspending predetermined language and meaning without debunking theology, philosophy, or poetry. In doing so, it not only reveals the cause of the transition, it also reveals the identity of the cause.
Now I need to make a blunt statement. I believe in God. However, I must be specific about this statement of belief. I believe in God as described in the Bible that informs the emotional responses of my heart and my knowledge of Him in my head. What this means is that I subject myself to the truth of the Bible as the primary source that informs what happens in my heart and head. With this is mind, I perceive God in the sharp intakes of breath, overt giggling, mild shaking, poleaxing, and rivers of tears in the responses of the bride and groom as they make their wedding vows to each other.
I need to make another blunt statement. The bride and groom do not have to believe in God, as I have described, or at all in order to experience Him. The truth of the Bible informs me that God made man and woman in His own image and likeness (Genesis 1:27). The truth of the Bible also informs me that the idea of a man and woman transitioning to husband and wife originated with God (Genesis 2:24). Could it be that when a bride and groom make their vows to each other, whether they believe in God or not, that God is present in the transition? Yes, because the truth of the Bible states it (Matthew 20:28).
What is the cause of transition of a bride to wife and a groom to husband? It is God, whether He is acknowledged or not, simply because human beings are made in His image and likeness, and because the idea of husband and wife is His. So, let’s come back to the glorious conclusion of a wedding ceremony announced with all its royal pomp, “I now pronounce you as husband and wife!”. Don’t you think God smiles when I invite the husband to kiss his wife for the first time? Truly, it is a regal thing to officiate a wedding ceremony in Austin Texas as an Englishman.
