We all recognise that parents have a noble role to play in the life of their children. One of their main roles is that of security which allows them to protect and respect all children. The question we want to ask here is do our children recognise and feel that their parents are respecting them or protecting them? Do they always feel safe at home or with a close neighbour, a family friend or with a teacher?
We, at Waso (Women in Action and Solidarity Organisation) believe that parents should have regular conversations with their children every day and even sometimes ask them such questions.
Going back to birth we know that when a child is born, we see the mother right from birth talking to her baby, making her or him feel secured and love and so does the father when he comes for visit. This continues as the baby is brought home, everybody tries to talk to him or her and this definitely enable the newborn to discover that he or she is in a secure environment, is loved and well accepted by all family members and often other relatives and friends. In this case the new born feels a real sense of belonging.
However in many families this lasts for only the first few years of life. As children move into the outside environment and attend a day care, this role diminishes. It seems we leave it to the childminder or day care assistant and later to teacher.
Therefore, today we wish to give this advice: parents, bear in mind that as parents you are the first educator for your children and should therefore play your role to inform and discipline them about what is expected of them, how they should behave and what they as parents will always do to ensure that they grow up into responsible persons who will also come to love and respect others.
Parents need to inform children about their rights, their responsibilities and the consequences of their actions if they are not following their parents’ discipline.
In the same context, all parents have a responsibility to be honest and to talk to their children about sex and sexual abuse issues. For some parents this talk may be uncomfortable the first time you do so; we understand that very well; but we wish to assure you that as you use opportunities to do so, it will get better and better and your children will also grow more comfortable to discuss the subject with you or to seek for an explanation on issues that bother them such as a neighbour’s attitudes or a family friend acting in an odd manner towards them or offering to give them gifts for unknown reason, or a neighbour always calling them and asking them to run errand for them. Here you have to understand, it’s normal to help your neighbour but when this happens too often, as parents you need to have an open eye, as your neighbour could be looking for a way to attract the attention of one or more of your children with the wrong motive.
That is why even before children reach adolescent you should often talk to them about sex, sexual abuse and other sexual and reproductive health issues. In this way they will soon recognise if someone close is trying to take advantage of them or one of them and they will definitely report it to you.
In another context if your children, as they grow up, develop a close relationship with you, they will be comfortable to talk to you about their study, their friends, their hobby but also about someone showing special interest in them especially girls or they may ask a lot of questions about a particular person. This is the opportunity you should use to engage in a serious conversation with them or to help them through counselling.
In conclusion we wish to remind parents to always bear in mind that our children are in most circ*mstances molested or abused by people they know well that you would not suspect. It may be a family friend who visits you often or a living in. In other words it’s often those who are close to home and have certain privilege of keeping an eye on them that abuse their privilege.
Therefore parents take proper care of your children, keep them informed of their rights and responsibilities at all times because abusers don’t care. Educate them at a very young age and empower them especially as they move into adolescent stage, empower them with knowledge necessary so they can identify the real difference between Love, Lust and Abuse. Another important point is to ensure that you are aware where they get their information about sex issues in addition to what you provide. School plays a role to provide sex education to our children but does your child tell you what they have been taught at school or what they are still not sure of? Parents know your child and raise them to be good parents of tomorrow.
Contributed by Waso
