⌜Scene4⌝
Synopsis:
Mercutio and Benvolio meet the newly enthusiastic Romeo in the street. Romeo defeats Mercutio in a battle of wits. The Nurse finds Romeo, and he gives her a message for Juliet: meet me at Friar Lawrence’s cell this afternoon, and we will there be married.
MERCUTIO
1130WherethedevilshouldthisRomeobe?
1131Camehenothometonight?
BENVOLIO
1132Nottohisfather’s.Ispokewithhisman.
MERCUTIO
1133Why,thatsamepalehard-heartedwench,that
11345Rosaline,
1135Tormentshimsothathewillsurerunmad.
BENVOLIO
1136Tybalt,thekinsmantooldCapulet,
1137Hathsentalettertohisfather’shouse.
MERCUTIO1138Achallenge,onmylife.
BENVOLIO113910Romeowillanswerit.
MERCUTIO1140Anymanthatcanwritemayansweraletter.
BENVOLIO1141Nay,hewillanswertheletter’smaster,how
1142hedares,beingdared.
MERCUTIO1143Alas,poorRomeo,heisalreadydead,
114415stabbedwithawhitewench’sblackeye,run
1145throughtheearwithalove-song,theverypinofhis
1146heartcleftwiththeblindbow-boy’sbuttshaft.And
1147isheamantoencounterTybalt?
⌜BENVOLIO⌝1148Why,whatisTybalt?
MERCUTIO114920Morethanprinceofcats.O,he’sthecourageous
1150captainofcompliments.Hefightsasyousing
1151prick-song,keepstime,distance,andproportion.
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1152Herestshisminimrests,one,two,andthethirdin
1153yourbosom—theverybutcherofasilkbutton,a
115425duelist,aduelist,agentlemanoftheveryfirsthouse
1155ofthefirstandsecondcause.Ah,theimmortal
1156passado,thepuntoreverso,thehay!
BENVOLIO1157Thewhat?
MERCUTIO1158Thepoxofsuchantic,lisping,affecting
115930⌜phantasimes,⌝thesenewtunersofaccent:“By
1160Jesu,averygoodblade!Averytallman!Averygood
1161whor*!”Why,isnotthisalamentablething,grandsire,
1162thatweshouldbethusafflictedwiththese
1163strangeflies,thesefashion-mongers,these⌜“pardon-me” ’s,⌝
116435whostandsomuchonthenewform
1165thattheycannotsitateaseontheoldbench?Otheir
1166bones,theirbones!
BENVOLIO1167HerecomesRomeo,herecomesRomeo.
MERCUTIO1168Withouthisroe,likeadriedherring.O
116940flesh,flesh,howartthoufishified!Nowisheforthe
1170numbersthatPetrarchflowedin.Lauratohislady
1171wasakitchenwench(marry,shehadabetterlove
1172toberhymeher),Didoadowdy,Cleopatraagypsy,
1173HelenandHerohildingsandharlots,Thisbeagray
117445eyeorso,butnottothepurpose.—SigniorRomeo,
1175bonjour.There’saFrenchsalutationtoyourFrench
1176slop.Yougaveusthecounterfeitfairlylastnight.
ROMEO1177Goodmorrowtoyouboth.Whatcounterfeit
1178didIgiveyou?
MERCUTIO117950Theslip,sir,theslip.Canyounotconceive?
ROMEO1180Pardon,goodMercutio,mybusinesswas
1181great,andinsuchacaseasmineamanmaystrain
1182courtesy.
MERCUTIO1183That’sasmuchastosaysuchacaseas
118455yoursconstrainsamantobowinthehams.
ROMEO1185Meaning,tocurtsy.
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MERCUTIO1186Thouhastmostkindlyhitit.
ROMEO1187Amostcourteousexposition.
MERCUTIO1188Nay,Iamtheverypinkofcourtesy.
ROMEO118960“Pink”forflower.
MERCUTIO1190Right.
ROMEO1191Why,thenismypumpwellflowered.
MERCUTIO1192Surewit,followmethisjestnowtillthou
1193hastwornoutthypump,thatwhenthesinglesole
119465ofitisworn,thejestmayremain,afterthewearing,
1195solelysingular.
ROMEO1196Osingle-soledjest,solelysingularforthe
1197singleness.
MERCUTIO1198Comebetweenus,goodBenvolio.Mywits
119970faints.
ROMEO1200Switchandspurs,switchandspurs,orI’llcry
1201amatch.
MERCUTIO1202Nay,ifourwitsrunthewild-goosechase,I
1203amdone,forthouhastmoreofthewildgoosein
120475oneofthywitsthan,Iamsure,Ihaveinmywhole
1205five.WasIwithyouthereforthegoose?
ROMEO1206Thouwastneverwithmeforanythingwhen
1207thouwastnotthereforthegoose.
MERCUTIO1208Iwillbitetheebytheearforthatjest.
ROMEO120980Nay,goodgoose,bitenot.
MERCUTIO1210Thywitisaverybittersweeting;itisamost
1211sharpsauce.
ROMEO1212Andisitnot,then,wellservedintoasweet
1213goose?
MERCUTIO121485O,here’sawitofcheverilthatstretches
1215fromaninchnarrowtoanellbroad.
ROMEO1216Istretchitoutforthatword“broad,”which
1217addedtothegoose,provestheefarandwidea
1218broadgoose.
MERCUTIO121990Why,isnotthisbetternowthangroaning
1220forlove?Nowartthousociable,nowartthou
1221Romeo,nowartthouwhatthouart,byartaswellas
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1222bynature.Forthisdrivelingloveislikeagreat
1223naturalthatrunslollingupanddowntohidehis
122495baubleinahole.
BENVOLIO1225Stopthere,stopthere.
MERCUTIO1226Thoudesirestmetostopinmytaleagainst
1227thehair.
BENVOLIO1228Thouwouldstelsehavemadethytalelarge.
MERCUTIO1229100O,thouartdeceived.Iwouldhavemadeit
1230short,forIwascometothewholedepthofmytale
1231andmeantindeedtooccupytheargumentno
1232longer.
ROMEO1233Here’sgoodlygear.Asail,asail!
MERCUTIO1234105Two,two—ashirtandasmock.
NURSE1235Peter.
PETER1236Anon.
NURSE1237Myfan,Peter.
MERCUTIO1238GoodPeter,tohideherface,forherfan’s
1239110thefairerface.
NURSE1240Godyougoodmorrow,gentlemen.
MERCUTIO1241Godyougoode’en,fairgentlewoman.
NURSE1242Isitgoode’en?
MERCUTIO1243’Tisnoless,Itellyou,forthebawdyhandof
1244115thedialisnowupontheprickofnoon.
NURSE1245Outuponyou!Whatamanareyou?
ROMEO1246One,gentlewoman,thatGodhathmade,himself
1247tomar.
NURSE1248Bymytroth,itiswellsaid:“forhimselfto
1249120mar,”quothhe?Gentlemen,cananyofyoutellme
1250whereImayfindtheyoungRomeo?
ROMEO1251Icantellyou,butyoungRomeowillbeolder
1252whenyouhavefoundhimthanhewaswhenyou
1253soughthim.Iamtheyoungestofthatname,for
1254125faultofaworse.
NURSE1255Yousaywell.
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MERCUTIO1256Yea,istheworstwell?Verywelltook,i’
1257faith,wisely,wisely.
NURSE1258Ifyoubehe,sir,Idesiresomeconfidencewith
1259130you.
BENVOLIO1260Shewillinditehimtosomesupper.
MERCUTIO1261Abawd,abawd,abawd.Soho!
ROMEO1262Whathastthoufound?
MERCUTIO1263Nohare,sir,unlessahare,sir,inaLenten
1264135piethatissomethingstaleandhoarereitbespent.
⌜Singing.⌝1265Anoldharehoar,
1266Andanoldharehoar,
1267IsverygoodmeatinLent.
1268Butaharethatishoar
1269140Istoomuchforascore
1270Whenithoarsereitbespent.
1271Romeo,willyoucometoyourfather’s?We’llto
1272dinnerthither.
ROMEO1273Iwillfollowyou.
MERCUTIO1274145Farewell,ancientlady.Farewell,lady,lady,
1275lady.⌜MercutioandBenvolio⌝exit.
NURSE1276Iprayyou,sir,whatsaucymerchantwasthis
1277thatwassofullofhisropery?
ROMEO1278Agentleman,nurse,thatlovestohearhimself
1279150talkandwillspeakmoreinaminutethanhewill
1280standtoinamonth.
NURSE1281Anhespeakanythingagainstme,I’lltakehim
1282down,anhewerelustierthanheis,andtwenty
1283suchjacks.AnifIcannot,I’llfindthosethatshall.
1284155Scurvyknave,Iamnoneofhisflirt-gills;Iamnone
1285ofhisskains-mates.⌜ToPeter.⌝Andthoumuststand
1286bytooandsuffereveryknavetousemeathis
1287pleasure.
PETER1288Isawnomanuseyouathispleasure.IfIhad,
1289160myweaponshouldquicklyhavebeenout.Iwarrant
1290you,Idaredrawassoonasanotherman,ifI
1291seeoccasioninagoodquarrel,andthelawonmy
1292side.
p. 101
NURSE1293Now,aforeGod,Iamsovexedthateverypart
1294165aboutmequivers.Scurvyknave!⌜ToRomeo.⌝Pray
1295you,sir,aword.And,asItoldyou,myyounglady
1296bidmeinquireyouout.Whatshebidmesay,Iwill
1297keeptomyself.Butfirstletmetellyou,ifyou
1298shouldleadherinafool’sparadise,astheysay,it
1299170wereaverygrosskindofbehavior,astheysay.For
1300thegentlewomanisyoung;andtherefore,ifyou
1301shoulddealdoublewithher,trulyitwereanill
1302thingtobeofferedtoanygentlewoman,andvery
1303weakdealing.
ROMEO1304175Nurse,commendmetothyladyandmistress.
1305Iprotestuntothee—
NURSE1306Goodheart,andi’faithIwilltellherasmuch.
1307Lord,Lord,shewillbeajoyfulwoman.
ROMEO1308Whatwiltthoutellher,nurse?Thoudostnot
1309180markme.
NURSE1310Iwilltellher,sir,thatyoudoprotest,which,as
1311Itakeit,isagentlemanlikeoffer.
ROMEO1312Bidherdevise
1313Somemeanstocometoshriftthisafternoon,
1314185AndtheresheshallatFriarLawrence’cell
1315Beshrivedandmarried.Hereisforthypains.
⌜Offeringhermoney.⌝
NURSE1316No,truly,sir,notapenny.
ROMEO1317Goto,Isayyoushall.
NURSE
1318Thisafternoon,sir?Well,sheshallbethere.
ROMEO
1319190Andstay,goodnurse,behindtheabbeywall.
1320Withinthishourmymanshallbewiththee
1321Andbringtheecordsmadelikeatackledstair,
1322Whichtothehightopgallantofmyjoy
1323Mustbemyconvoyinthesecretnight.
1324195Farewell.Betrusty,andI’llquitthypains.
1325Farewell.Commendmetothymistress.
p. 103
NURSE
1326Now,Godinheavenblessthee!Harkyou,sir.
ROMEO1327Whatsaystthou,mydearnurse?
NURSE
1328Isyourmansecret?Didyoune’erhearsay
1329200“Twomaykeepcounsel,puttingoneaway”?
ROMEO
1330Warrantthee,myman’sastrueassteel.
NURSE1331Well,sir,mymistressisthesweetestlady.Lord,
1332Lord,when’twasalittlepratingthing—O,thereis
1333anoblemanintown,oneParis,thatwouldfainlay
1334205knifeaboard,butshe,goodsoul,hadasliefseea
1335toad,averytoad,asseehim.Iangerhersometimes
1336andtellherthatParisisthepropererman,butI’ll
1337warrantyou,whenIsayso,shelooksaspaleasany
1338cloutintheversalworld.Dothnotrosemaryand
1339210Romeobeginbothwithaletter?
ROMEO1340Ay,nurse,whatofthat?BothwithanR.
NURSE1341Ah,mocker,that’sthe⌜dog’s⌝name.Risfor
1342the—No,Iknowitbeginswithsomeotherletter,
1343andshehaththeprettiestsententiousofit,ofyou
1344215androsemary,thatitwoulddoyougoodtohearit.
ROMEO1345Commendmetothylady.
NURSE1346Ay,athousandtimes.—Peter.
PETER1347Anon.
NURSE1348Beforeandapace.
⌜They⌝exit.
