Cuddling is as casual as it is comfy for most couples, but many often underestimate its ability to help bolster physical intimacy — and according to relationship experts, cuddling can be a hallmark tool for feeling comfortable and well-connected to your partner. For starters, there's documented evidence that suggests the physical aspect of a good cuddle session can decrease cortisol (a.k.a fight stress!) and work to improve your mood by triggering hormones like oxytocin — research highlighted by Penn Medicine indicates that some data has even indicated a same-day reduction in blood pressure for those who frequently casually embrace their partner intimately. But even more promising is the emotional impact that cuddling can provide.
"When you are regularly physically affectionate with your partner, they're more likely to see you as trustworthy and likable, building on an attraction that doesn't always need to lead to sex or eroctic interactions," says Jessica O'Reilly, Ph.D., sex and relationship expert, author and host of the 'Sex With Dr. Jess' podcast. "Cuddling can help stave off and improve the management of conflict between partners; if you've laid the groundwork to feel fondness and satisfaction through cuddling, which is just one of the ways to feel this way, you're less likely to have intense conflict — or you may be better able to resolve conflict overall."
Every couple is different, and what "cuddling" actually looks like for you and your partner can be as unique as you want it to be, she adds. And while it can indeed be a gateway to more sensual activities — O'Reilly tells us cuddling leads to sex about 16% of the time, per survey data sourced in 2011 — cuddling all on its own can feel just as fulfilling (if not more so!).
Best Cuddling Positions
You'll find a list of illustrated positions below, with how-to instructions that you'll verbally ask of your partner when you're ready. This list isn't exhaustive nor definitive — you should feel comfortable cuddling in any position that works best for you and your partner. What sets these positions apart is that they are active forms of cuddling, allowing you to focus solely on your partner's intimate touch, explains Irene Fehr, MA, CPCC, a sex and intimacy coach and relationship expert. "There are no interruptions, nothing else happening; you are each other's focus of attention, really taking stock of how your partner's body feels against yours," she says. "You're paying attention to their breath, feeling them and touching them, observing what they like and what makes you feel good, too."
Whether you're looking for ways to be more naturally physical with your partner or have been seemingly intertwined since the start, learning how to cuddle with intention can revitalize your relationship's foundation. Below, we're sharing a guide to 12 vastly different cuddling positions you can explore with your loved one, along with real perks tied to each unique approach.
1
The Classic Handhold
How to: Lock hands with your partner, while sitting together, lying next to each other, or sitting across a table.
The benefits: Handholding is an intimate way to build a physical connection, and it’s especially beneficial for anyone who may have a hard time, O’Reilly says. Research shows that holding hands can ease anxiety, have a calming effect, and boost levels of the “love hormone,” known as oxytocin. A 2018 study published in the journal Proceedings of the National Academy of Sciences found that handholding during a painful experience enhanced a couple’s connection, heightened empathy, and reduced pain levels.
2
The Affirmation Huddle
How to: Sit side by side, facing each other. Put your arms around each other, hold hands, place your hand on your partner’s leg, or rest your head on their shoulder. Communicate how you're feeling in real time if a conversation is something you both value.
The benefits: Face-to-face positions allow partners to gaze into each other’s eyes, which builds intimacy, both emotionally and sexually, explains Fehr. “Looking into each other’s eyes, that connection is really important,” she adds. “And, sharing what you like about this position, like ‘I’m noticing that my whole body has calmed down or how much I like the softness of your skin.’ Use your voice to amplify the connection, amplify the intimacy.”
3
The Lap-Sit Snuggle
How to: Sit in your partner’s lap while they’re in a seated position; you can face forward while leaning back into them, or fold your legs beneath you while facing them directly.
The benefits: In between binge-watching your favorite Netflix show or having a quick chat, sitting on your partner's lap is another option for bolstering your connection, O’Reilly says. The intimate physical contact can relieve stress, increase oxytocin, lower blood pressure and help to make you feel loved and comforted.
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4
The Heartbeat Hug
How to: Lie on your back and let your partner rest their head on your chest.
The benefits: Heartbeat communication can increase feelings of intimacy and has the same effect as gazing into a loved one’s eyes, research suggests. “It’s really grounding and gratitude-inducing to hear that little muscle that keeps this person alive; it’s very humbling,” O’Reilly says, adding that it’s a reminder that many of the things your partner does to irk you really aren’t important. “Imagine if you couldn’t hear that heartbeat,” she adds.
5
The Draped Leg
How to: Sit closely side by side, either facing each other or gazing straight ahead. Alternatively, lie on your backs next to each other.
The benefits: Cuddling doesn’t always have to be full-body contact, explains O’Reilly. You actually don’t even need to touch your partner at all if you’re not into that, as proximity on its own can work to bolster intimacy for many couples. Sitting or lying side by side “is great for just letting your partner know that you’re there, taking comfort in their presence,” she explains. Take this move a step further by holding hands or draping your leg over your partner’s if intimate touch makes you feel more comfortable.
6
The Head Cradle
How to: Sit on the couch or floor and ask your partner to lie their head on your lap and, if they enjoy passive touch, stroke their hair or massage their ears.
The benefits: If sitting on your partner’s lap — or having them sit on yours — tends to feel more erotic than anything, try this instead. Having your partner’s head resting in your lap promotes feelings of closeness and intimacy, and diminishes stress. O’Reilly says it is a great alternative to spooning, especially when you’re hanging out on the couch or are thinking of catching up on a show or watching a movie.
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7
The Full Spoon
How to: Both partners lie on their sides, facing the same direction. The partner in the front leans back into their partner’s stomach, while the person in the back wraps their arm around their partner.
The benefits: Spooning has become ubiquitous with cuddling, and for good reason. “It’s very intimate,” Fehr admits. “You’re very close to each other. There’s intimacy in having your partner behind you and being embraced and being held with their face next to your ear.” Be sure to take turns, so each partner gets to experience being enveloped by the other.
8
The Half Spoon
How to: One person lies on their back and the other on their side. The person lying on their side places their head on their partner’s upper chest and wraps their arm around their body. The partner lying on their back wraps their arm around their partner as well.
The benefits: Like full-on spooning, the half-spoon position heightens intimacy and feelings of closeness, Fehr says. Hugging, in general, can reduce stress and improve your health overall, research shows. Just make sure to switch positions with your partner, she adds, “It’s about paying attention to the cues from your own body and your partner’s, and letting your body say what feels good in the moment.”
9
The Bear Nuzzle
How to: Wrap your arms around your partner from behind, while you’re both standing or your partner is sitting.
The benefits: “It could be as simple as your partner on a phone call, and you come up from behind and give them a hug, or maybe they're brushing their teeth, and you just wrap your arms around them,” O’Reilly says. It’s all about giving them attention and making a physical connection, and “just see where it leads,” she adds.
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10
The Entagled Embrace
How to: Both partners lie on their sides facing each other with their bellies touching. Intertwine your legs and wrap your arms around each other.
The benefits: “You’re lying in a pretty vulnerable position, belly to belly,” Fehr says. “It’s a very intimate one, and you’ll also have face-to-face contact, as well.” Intertwining your arms and legs enhances physical contact and connection.
11
The Cranial Nestle
How to: Lie or sit facing each other and place your foreheads together.
The benefits: “Take a couple of deep breaths and see how you feel,” O’Reilly says. Enjoy the forehead-to-forehead position with your eyes closed as a form of relaxation or take the time to gaze into each other’s eyes. Studies show that locking eyes with someone increases trust and creates a sense of closeness.
12
The Pancake Plank
How to: One person lies on their back and the other lies on top facing them; alternatively, lean your face into the crook of your loved one's neck or shoulder.
The benefits: This cuddling position could be challenging if you and your partner are drastically different in size. But, Fehr recommends trying it out to see what feels best at that moment. “You have the benefit of a lot of physical contact, and you're face to face,” she says, but the person on top might need to lift themselves up, so you can maintain eye contact.
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Meet the Experts:
Jess O'Reilly has a Ph.D. in human sexuality with a focus on teacher education. She is the author of five books including The Ultimate Guide to Seduction and Foreplay and has facilitated over 1,000 workshops in 40 countries from Lebanon to Switzerland. Jess also hosts CityTV's Intimately You, PlayboyTV’s hit reality series Swing, and her weekly @SexWithDrJess podcast alongside her husband, Brandon.
Irene Fehr, MA, CPCC is a sex and intimacy coach who helps couples make love work in a long-term relationship and bring sex and passion into sexless ones. Determined to dispel myths about why sex dies in long-term monogamous relationships that cause heartache and broken dreams, Irene’s views and expertise have been featured all around the world in HuffPost, Cosmopolitan, Shape, Refinery29 and others.
