Relationships
How To Reignite The Spark In Your Relationship, According To 13 Women Who've Been There
by Candice Jalili
Even if your relationship started off as hot and heavy, it's nearly impossible to maintain the level of passion you had with your partner in the beginning throughout the entirety of a long-term relationship. So, what are you supposed to do when you hit one of those inevitable lulls? You read this article, that's what! In a recent Reddit AskWomen thread, ladies shared their best tips from firsthand experience on how to reignite the spark in your relationship.
Read along and take note.
Open up to each other completely.
Learn to open up completely. Share your emotions, even the things you are embarrassed about. Even the things you think (fear) will negatively impact your partner's opinion of you. If you had a hard time, chances are that you (both?) have not yet taken the time to share your emotions about this with each other and really try to understand what you've been through (together?).Honestly, this might sound like a cliché, but I recently went through a difficult time myself and I had no f*cking clue what opening up emotionally truly meant, until I did it.
Take some time out of your day to appreciate each other out loud.
My parents take a few minutes out of each day to tell each other what they appreciate about one another for that day.It can be as simple as “I really appreciated you stepping up and helping with cleaning the house today, because you knew I was stressed and busy. It made my day easier and better”They have a timer on their phone and they do it once a day. It’s cheesy, but it’s cute and sincere.
Spend a lazy day cuddling in bed.
Don't sweat the small stuff.
My partner and I broke up awhile ago. We're giving it another go after some time apart to learn about ourselves. The break up was rough on both of us but we were able to recognize what went wrong last time.What's been working for us is don't sweat the small stuff. Don't turn the small problems into big ones. Bring up the little issues as they happen so they don't fester. Allow yourself to be vulnerable. Make sure quality time is actually spent talking and working on communication and not just looking at memes on our phones. Talk about the rough stuff.Spend some time on your own actually realizing the kind of person your partner is, good and bad. Tell them the good stuff you see. Support the good changes they want to make, whether that's worrying less about the mundane or a fitness goal or whatever.Appreciate your partner for who they are now rather than the goals they aspire to meet. Show that appreciation through your love languages. Cook together, do the chores together, do your own hobby in the same room with them, etc.tl;dr : Take the time to appreciate and communicate and be vulnerable when feelings get hurt. Come together closest when things get tough.
Unplug during meals and conversations.
Putting phones away and having dinner/conversations completely undistracted. Dont be afraid to ask serious questions and dont be afraid to answer really honestly.Also, making out more often! Especially without the expectation of it becoming more. Just making out and feeling each others warmth and bodies is amazing.
Try your best to understand each other's feelings.
For me and my partner, I know that the biggest “intimacy kill” in any sense, is just feeling misunderstood. It is feeling misunderstood that leads to all forms of distance (physical/emotional).The best way to rebuild this is to work to understand how both of you are feeling. It’s sometimes tough to be the first one to say it but I promise it feels like such a weight is lifted afterwards. Just to sit down and say “I feel a bit misunderstood/distant/isolated and I think you perhaps do too. So can we chat?”I can get really stand-offish at times and jump to dramatic conclusions, feeling as if I want to run away etc. But the reality is always the same. I don’t want to run away, I just want to feel understood. It is through discussing this that you will feel connected, in every sense.
Keep fighting until neither of you are mad anymore.
Have the fight, all the way until the end. Keep going until neither of you are mad anymore, and you know where you're going forward to from that point. Say the hard things and encourage them to as well, and mad as you might be, look for stuff you can agree with in what they're saying, even if they're in the wrong. And then you find out what's actually going on, and "You never do the dishes" becomes "I feel like you don't care about me", and then you feel like you can breathe again and that love feeling comes rushing back. In my experience.
Be mindful of them.
Mindfulness of the other person. Be plugged in. Listen to what your person needs and do that thing. Be responsive, do not shut down. Every time you shut down or treat the other as though they aren't a priority, you wreck the trust that intimacy needs to thrive.Intimacy is something you create through consistently meeting the needs of your person, not a special thing you do randomly.
Let them know how much you appreciate them.
Say thank you, A LOT. Look for all of the little and mundane things your partner does or says, not just for the sake of the relationship, but all the things that keep a home and a life up and running too. It’s easy to take things for granted when you’re rooted in a consistent routine, but switching out the laundry or emptying the dishwasher or taking out the dog or whatever it is makes life, and the relationship smoother. Being actively grateful for the things you do for each other curbs potential resentment and is a constant reminder to appreciate your partner and the life you’ve built.
Learn your partner's love language.
Understand how your partner feels loved, their “love language” and make a concerted effort to do it.My husband’s love language is touch. Even small things like a touch on the shoulder or smack on the ass let’s him know I’m thinking of him and still like him and still want him.For me, I appreciate direct attention. So I don’t appreciate when he is on the phone when we’re eating together. I like when he asks me about my day, and actually listens to the responses. Asking and caring about the mundane means he cares about me enough to ask.
Start dating (each other) again.
Date each other again. Do what you did in the very beginning of the relationship to impress the other person and show them that you liked them. Get to KNOW your partner again. Make them dinner. Dance in the living room with the lights off. Whatever was/is “your thing” at one point- do that.
Schedule a five-minute long hug every day.
every day after work you have a 5-minute hug. Literally 5 minutes. There is no way not to be close to someone if you're really having that long of the hug, it releases all the tensions from the day and you can't be Petty or stay angry at the other person through a five-minute hug. It makes you melt.
Make sure you both are still fully committed to making this work.
Make sure you both want it. It sounds silly but it’s better to sit down and make a game plan together vs. putting in effort yourself and finding they aren’t interested.
I know hitting a rough patch can be... well, rough. But don't worry. You can get through this.
