The science of passion: Why do we kiss? (2024)

Kisses, storytellers believe, are transformative. A kiss on the lips can transform a frog into a prince or rescue a sleeping beauty from a coma spell. Symbolically, kisses are a pivotal point in a character's arc ― the moment they supposedly develop from a child to an adult, ready for romance and reproduction. A frog to a man.

The science of passion: Why do we kiss? (1)

In relationships, kissing creates physical intimacy that affects us perhaps more than words of love. Kisses are also sacred to many. Prostitutes, films tell us, don't kiss on the lips — they guard that level of intimacy for their true lover.

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But kissing can also be non-romantic. A kiss planted on the forehead of a child is tender and caring, whereas a kiss on the cheek can be a greeting. Kissing someone's feet or the ground in front of them is grovelling and shows subservience — a way of showing respect and awe to gods and tyrants.

The problem is kissing becomes a bit disgusting when you zoom in on the mouth. A 10-second kiss swaps around 80 million oral bacteria between two mouths. Eew! What's more, kissing is a very common way of spreading diseases. (Also Read | 5 reasons you struggle with intimacy in your romantic relationship)

So why do we do it?

Humanity's first kiss

"The very first evidence we have of lip kissing is [from] around 2,500 BCE," said Troel Arboll, an Assyriologist at University of Copenhagen, Denmark.

"It occurs in a mythological text from Mesopotamia, ancient Iraq. The text describes two gods copulating and kissing. It's definitely a sexual encounter," Arboll told DW.

Arboll and co-author Sophie Rasmussen have written a new perspective on the ancient history of kissing, published in Science on Thursday. They have a new theory that romantic kissing developed in multiple ancient cultures over several millennia. Aside from Mesopotamia, texts also depict sexual kissing in India and Egypt from at least 1,500 BCE onwards.

Arboll argues that sex and kissing began to feature more frequently as writing developed from an administrative tool to a way to tell stories. Kissing, for example, featured dramatically in the Epic of Gilgamesh, one of the oldest written stories dating to around 2,000 BCE. Like in modern interpretations, intimacy is transformative ― Enkidu's sexual encounter with Shamhat transforms him from an animal into a man.

While kissing is seen very early in a kind of erotic literature, Arboll also finds it in everyday documentation of ancient Mesopotamian life.

"For example, a man or woman who are not married are meant to keep apart and not kiss. The societies were trying to regulate the romantic kiss. The fact it was being regulated clearly means it was a common practice [in daily life]," said Arboll.

Is kissing innate?

Arboll proposes that romantic kissing might not be an innate human behaviour, instead developing in complex societies as a learned mating behaviour.

"Kissing doesn't seem to be universal across all cultures. It coincides with increased complexity of social interactions," he said, referring both to historical texts and more recent data that 46%of human cultures don't kiss in the romantic sense.

But some anthropologists propose that kissing is innate, at least the non-romantic kind. Kissing behaviours like licking and nuzzling are common in mammals like cats, dogs, elephants and apes. Bonobos in particular kiss like humans do, on the lips for comfort and socializing and even after a fight to kiss and make up.

Experts believe romantic kissing may have evolved out of this more mammalian nuzzling-type kissing. It's the same during our development, too. We first experience love from our parents through kisses and hugs before we redirect the behaviours to our adult lovers.

Kissing disease

New evidence suggests kissing may have played an unintended role in facilitating disease transmission throughout human history. Pathogens like herpes simplex virus 1 (HSV-1) and Epstein-Barr virus (also known as kissing disease, or glandular fever), transmissible through saliva, have been found in human remains.

Arboll points to evidence that HSV-1 lineages shifted in the Bronze Age, possibly due to increasingly common romantic kissing. More recently, too, kissing played a role in COVID-19 transmission, prompting China to ban kissing and France to avoid the kiss-greet.

For Thuy Do, an oral health microbiologist at Leeds University, UK, it's not surprising kissing is a conduit for disease.

"We all have 800-900 different types of microbes living in our mouths," Do told DW. "When we kiss, we exchange a lot of saliva and all kinds of microbes. There's a danger of transmitting diseases if viruses like hepatitis and HSV-1 are exchanged."

Pleasure and sex

However, it's really not all that disgusting. Do explained that a healthy mouth needs a balanced microbial environment, and kissing may actually be an important way of maintaining healthy microbe diversity in the mouth by exchanging microbes with our partners.

"Some bacteria species like streptococcus salivarius can help to bring down inflammation. People with a high abundance of health-associated species tend to have healthier mouths," said Do.

She thinks that kissing benefits more than just oral health.

"The mouth is a gate to the whole body — it links to our gut microbiome and skin. So when you're kissing it may have a positive impact on the microbiome in your whole body, even affecting our brain and mood," said Do.

Scientists believe that kissing is a way to test out potential mates. Kissing allows us to assess the partner's genetic computability or general health by picking up biological cues from the saliva.

And if the saliva matches, sex can follow. Tactile inputs from the tongue and lips trigger an ancient body-wide response to the prospect of sex in many people. The pleasure and reward centres of the brain are engaged, followed by releases of hormones like oxytocin, dopamine, and serotonin. Your skin flushes, your heart-rate increases and your pupils dilate all doe-eyed and glassy. Time to close the bedroom door.

The science of passion: Why do we kiss? (2024)

FAQs

The science of passion: Why do we kiss? ›

"The mouth is a gate to the whole body — it links to our gut microbiome and skin. So when you're kissing it may have a positive impact on the microbiome in your whole body, even affecting our brain and mood," said Do. Scientists believe that kissing is a way to test out potential mates.

What is the scientific explanation for kissing? ›

During a kiss, this lip sensitivity causes our brain to create a chemical co*cktail that can give us a natural high. This co*cktail is made up of three chemicals, all designed to make us feel good and crave more: dopamine, oxytocin, and serotonin.

Why do we kiss all the time? ›

Scientifically, kissing serves a two-fold purpose: mate selection and arousal. It acts as a potent co*cktail of chemicals that can stimulate a slew of hormones and neurotransmitters.

Why are our kisses so passionate? ›

The oral zone is one of the most sensitive erogenous zones on the body. The lips have been proven to have more nerve endings than any other part of the body, so a sensual kiss goes a long way. During a long passionate kiss, testosterone gets released through saliva which triggers and promotes sexual arousal.

Why is kissing such a turn on? ›

Dopamine is released when you do something that feels good, like kissing and spending time with someone you're attracted to. This and other “happy hormones” make you feel giddy and euphoric. The more you get of these hormones, the more your body wants them.

Why is making out so addicting? ›

A study suggests that the dopamine produced by kissing can stimulate the same area of the brain that is activated by the use of cocaine or heroin. This is one of the reasons why kissing is so addictive, and you may get hooked to it.

Can a guy kiss a girl passionately without feelings? ›

Yes! As a matter of fact, a Guy may not hold a needle tip of feelings for you of any kind in his heart, but may go all the way to have the physical intimacy he desires.

Why do guys kiss with so much tongue? ›

Basically they're trying to get a taste of the woman they're after because the hormones and chemicals in their bodies want to seek out possible mates. This answer is the scientific reason, but some guys also kiss with tongue because they like the way it feels.

Why do men like kissing? ›

Because a kiss can drive a man wild. It shows him your level of comfort with him, your adoration, as well as your affection. And in a relationship, a good kiss is even more intimate than sex. So, no more sitting at home, twiddling your thumbs, wondering how guys feel after a kissing a girl.

How do guys feel after kissing a girl? ›

A long kiss releases dopamine, oxytocin, and serotonin, feel-good chemicals that will make him smile. A single smile produces endorphins, another hormone that lifts his mood. Endorphins also create a “feedback loop” that will make him smile over and over.

When a man enjoys kissing you? ›

One tip for how to tell if a guy likes kissing you is if he starts looking for new ways to bring his lips to your skin. Kissing your neck, hands, and forehead are all signs the kiss meant something to him, and he's eager for more.

Do men enjoy kissing? ›

"Men also get romantic pleasure and connection from kissing, and both men and women will use kissing to advance to more intimate sexual acts," Mr. Christian says.

Can a kiss make a girl fall in love? ›

Kissing someone does not necessarily make you fall in love with them. While kissing can be a romantic and intimate gesture, it does not automatically create feelings of love between two people. Falling in love is a complex process that involves a mix of emotions, experiences, and psychological and biological factors.

Where do men like to be kissed? ›

Most guys enjoy kissing on the mouth. Once you're comfortable with light kisses on the lips, try moving on to deeper and more intimate kisses, like the French kiss. If you're both bored with kissing on the lips, try kissing him in other places, like on his forehead, cheek, or shoulder.

Where do you kiss a girl to turn on? ›

While kissing, run the very tip of your tongue over her lower lip a few times. If she opens her mouth a bit more, then she may be interested. Introduce your tongue slowly and once your tongues are touching, move your tongue slowly around her mouth.

Do girls like kissing more than guys? ›

based on a survey of ten male and female friends girls enjoy be kissed more. Question : What do you like your partner to do with you the most? Does one gender like kissing more? TLDR version: Most likely, women like kissing more than men--considering the average woman and man.

Is it normal for couples to kiss everyday? ›

Five percent of those aged 45 and up squeeze in more than 30 kisses per week, which averages out to just over four per day. So, not counting a presumed "good morning" and "good night" kiss, that leaves two others.

Is kissing natural or learned? ›

Is kissing innate? Arboll proposes that romantic kissing might not be an innate human behavior, instead developing in complex societies as a learned mating behavior. "Kissing doesn't seem to be universal across all cultures.

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